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P.O. Box 1463 Shelton, WA 98584 Phone: (360) 432-8518 Toll-free: (877) 290-3457 Fax: (360) 432-0384 E-mail: extremebuilders@ebines.com Website: http://www.ebines.com

Contractor in heaven!
A contractor dies on a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.
Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the contractor
"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old."
"But that's not true," says the consultant. "I only lived to be forty."
"That's impossible," says Saint Peter, "we added up your time sheets."


The Three Contractors
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"
So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas."


Engineers and Lawyers
There are two big conferences in NY....one for Engineers and one for Lawyers. They are both being held in the same building downtown. On the first day of the conference, two groups run into each other at the train station and chat while waiting in line to buy tickets into the city.
When they reach the counter, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three Engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an Engineer.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats, but all three Engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the Engineers on the return trip and save some money (recognizing the Engineers' superior intellect). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an Engineer.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three Engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."


Someone Important
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago, to make room for a new skyscaper. Due to its proximity to other buildings, it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived, they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "this could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more. They had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "we are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "it's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.
"Well, who was it", they asked.
"The 1962 National Hide-and-Seek Champion", the police said.